15 Years
It is insane to think that in May I hit the 15 year anniversary of my accident. The 5,475th Bonus Day.
Wild that the last decade and a half are ones I very easily could have not been here for. The friendships I wouldn’t have made, memories not created, laughs – and tears – I wouldn’t have shared. But, my story wasn’t done yet.
In these 15 years since that fateful day and following the 6 months where I humpty dumptied back together, I wrapped up working at Adventures Cross-Country and living in SF, moved to Denver where I got my MBA, moved back to SF and hit my career dreams including working for Peet’s Coffee & Tea + Patagonia. Raced (in the middle of the pack) in 13 half Ironmans, 3 full Ironmans, countless marathons, and 4 50ks. Made amazing new friends and continued to grow old relationships. Dated my fair share, fell in love, got married, and moved to Park City, Utah where I now reside and each day am reminded by the beauty of life through sunrises, sunsets and days spent playing (and occasionally working ;) in my favorite mountain range.
The past 15 years have had a mix of the highs as well as the lows life throws at you. But one thing is clear, no matter how low the lows, you can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
And with that, I think it is time for me to share a few of the lessons I have learned and processed over the course of the past 1.5 decades.
Lesson 1: Never, never, never give up
Let’s be clear, in the weeks and months, and sporadically through the first few years following my accident, I did want to give up. What the fuck, I NEVER signed up for this. This wasn’t fair and I did not deserve this. Yes, the burden I carried had physical reminders that I was reminded of each time I looked in the mirror, but more deeply the pain was carried in my heart. The thing about TBI is you can’t see it so while somebody might look (mostly) fine, you never know what they are going through.
My life had come crashing down and it was up to me to figure out what was next. I had 2 options: rebuild or give up. But here’s the thing, I had it instilled in me since a young age to never give up. My Dad used to say to me when I complained ‘life’s a bear’. It isn’t always fair, but play the hand you are dealt. And my family was obsessed with the TR quote ‘the arena’ and I have known it by heart since I was in high school.
I was in the arena – my face was marred by sweat and blood and tears. But I absolutely didn’t have a choice! I needed to put one foot in front of the other and rebuild.
“And if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly so that his soul shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know now victory nor defeat.”
As I did in the past 15 years and continue to do today when I face challenges, I am reminded to keep moving forward, 1 foot in front of the other. To have the courage to take chances and risks, not knowing what the outcome might be. To push through, to preservere. To never give up.
I know from personal experience that we can get through the hardest of things. And as cliché as it sounds, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I won’t unpack this right now, but I am a firm believer in Post Traumatic Growth.
I guess my takeaway here is to know that in the darkest of times, the most uncertain, the scariest, just keep moving. Have a clear vision of where you want to go, make a plan, and go after it unabashedly.
Do not give up. Do not be afraid to fail.
One way or another, you will get there. You might have to find a new path to forge, or pick a different route, or stop and reassess and start again. But you will make it through.
One bite at a time. Bite sized elephant.